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Marriage is a lifelong commitment. It is a big deal and should be treated as such.
When two people make the decision to intertwine their lives there is a lot of compromising that has to happen. However, this can only effectively happen when both people know exactly what they are getting into and there aren’t any surprises.
Whether it’s your first marriage or not, there are certain things you undoubtedly need to discuss before going on with the decision to get married. Below are some of the things I think are of utter importance.
It is easy to assume that your soon-to-be partner wants the same thing as you. But you can never really know where they stand unless you ask them. Some people also like the company of kids but that does not mean they want children of their own.
If both of you want children, it is also essential to make sure that you are on the same page regarding how you want to raise them.
The parenting styles you want to go for should be complementary and not contradicting. Nobody would want to have children with someone and not agree on how to raise them.
If you’re getting married there is a high chance that you will end up living together.
Agreeing on where you would want to live is certainly an important aspect. You might not necessarily agree on the exact location, but if you both agree on a broad idea (eg. the city or countryside) then that would be a great start.
This might seem like an uncomfortable topic, but it should be addressed. Finances are one of the most significant divorce risk factors. In order to avoid the uncertainty of financial differences, it is crucial that you get an idea of how your potential partner handles finances.
Know where they stand in terms of debt and savings.
In most cultures, the norm is that the wife takes her husband’s surname.
However, for a wide range of personal reasons, people also opt for other options like keeping their maiden names, having a double barrel surname or even joining the two surnames to create an entirely new surname for the couple and their children.
It is important to know what your partner wants and if they are comfortable, let them share their rationale. This way you will not be surprised should your partner decide to go for something different from what you had in mind.
This will help you understand the role religion will play in your relationship.
Should you uphold different religious beliefs, it will be essential for you to to also discuss how you will accommodate the religions. If you intend on having children, you would also need to discuss the religious values you will pass down to your children.
I have read about people complaining of how much their sex life has changed since they got married countless times.
Certainly, as the other aspects of your life change, your sex life is also bound to change. But as this is at the core of your intimate relationship, it should not be simply ignored.
You need to be able to talk about your expectations, what you enjoy and what you would like to try. In order to effectively have this conversation you need to start off by creating a non-judgmental space where everyone can openly share.
As you move towards getting married, remember that marriage is a partnership where both people’s best traits should be highlighted. It is not a DIY project where you work towards changing the other person.
You both have to actively put in the work to make sure that your marriage starts off on a good and level ground.
The above are just some of the topics you should discuss. There are plenty more important things such as general lifestyle, diet, mental health family history and goals (both long-term and short-term) that you should talk about.
However, sometimes we realize after marriage that there are things we forgot to talk about before marriage. That is not the end of the road, you can still have important discussions even after marriage.
Also, remember that people change. Sometimes the people who we were five years ago can’t even recognize the people we are today. Similarly, you can’t expect your partner not to change and grow.
Embrace the new things and always work towards having a marriage of your dreams!
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You might want to add political affiliation to the religion section. Our world is very politically charged these days. Non-alignment can and does lead to divorce.
Thanks Kathy, it certainly can affect things in a relationship.
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Thanks Taj!
That's good lesson before it's too late & things stop to fall apart.
Absolutely Esther! Many people think that getting married is the end of the story. But it's really just the beginning. The more resources and tools people have, the more success, hopefully.