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As a new TikTok trend gains steam, users jump on video to claim they’ve decided to gaslight their partner.
Their partner, who is in the same video, often immediately asks, “You’re going to gaslight me?” The partner who just claimed they were going to says something along the lines of, “What? No, I never said that.”
While humorous for some, for others, this scenario rings all too true. It’s a classic example of what gaslighting involves, which is a form of emotional abuse.
Emotional abuse can involve a variety of tactics, intentional or not.
It can make the person on the receiving end feel:
While in some scenarios both partners may be responsible for emotional abuse, other situations have one partner gaining control over another.
It also might not occur in just romantic relationships. It can happen between family members, co-workers, friends, and more.
So, what are the signs? And how can you heal after emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse is confusing.
Unlike physical abuse, there aren’t any obvious scars, scratches, or injuries. The hurt it causes takes place beneath the surface, manifesting in a variety of ways (more on this in a bit).
So, how do you know if you’re suffering emotional abuse? Here are seven signs.
Let’s start with the obvious.
They call you “stupid,” “loser,” “wimp,” or other derogatory words. They may even try to use these words as “terms of endearment.”
But if you’ve told them to stop or you’ve expressed how it hurts your feelings or makes you uncomfortable, this is a sign of emotional abuse. It’s not okay, and it’s not fostering a healthy relationship.
Okay, so they didn’t punch or hit you.
But using words to make you feel small and worthless is a pretty clear indicator some kind of control or power dynamic is happening. This could also go hand-in-hand with punching the wall or getting suddenly angry.
They dismiss what’s important to you.
For instance, maybe you’re talking about a movie you loved, and their response is, "who cares?" Or maybe they roll their eyes, shake their head, or ignore you.
Related Article: What Does Emotional Invalidation Sound Like? 12 Statements
Name-calling isn’t the only way to make someone feel small.
Patronizing involves belittling you by saying things like, “I know your small brain can’t handle this…” The goal is often to make you feel less-than.
Yup, gaslighting is a sign of emotional abuse.
It’s denying they said or did something to make you feel like you’re going crazy or to show to others or both of you that you are “losing your mind.” Basically, this encompasses anything that makes you question your sense of reality.
Obviously, questioning things is good sometimes, but not when you know you didn’t say or do something or you know they said or did something. Facts shouldn’t be questioned.
Okay, there is some nuance here.
When they put you down or insult you, they immediately clap back with, “I’m just joking,” even though it wasn’t a joke. You might wonder whether you overreacted or you may feel embarrassed by your feelings.
In many cases of emotional abuse, the abuser isolates the person from their family and friends.
This inevitably allows them to gain control easier and without question.
Related Article: Signs You May Be In (Or Headed For) An Abusive Relationship
The effects of emotional abuse on a person can be devistating. Some common short-term mental impacts include:
In the long-term, emotional abuse can further lead to:
In close relationships, more specifically, emotional abuse may lead to codependency, trust issues, abandonment anxiety, trouble being your true and authentic self, and more.
It can take time to heal after this type of relationship or situation. It’s important to lead with self-compassion and seek out help. With that in mind, here is how you can recover after an emotionally abusive situation.
Healing after emotional abuse is a difficult journey, but not an impossible one.
You will feel like you again. At the beginning, it all starts with recognizing that you were emotionally abused. This can be one of the hardest parts. We don’t particularly like to think badly of those we love and care about.
It’s also important to leave the abuser, whether that means moving out of your home, ending a relationship, or finding a new job. This gives you the freedom to move on and heal.
During this time, seek out professional help. Let your loved ones know you may need more reassurance and support right now. It’s hard but that’s what a support system is for.
A therapist can help you overcome negative thought patterns you’ve developed during this time, as well as help you find self-care tactics that quell anxiety and help you feel good again.
On top of all of this, it’s important to acknowledge that you are worthy. This means knowing your worth and knowing that you deserve to:
From there, you can learn what healthy relationships look like and how to foster them.
And yes, this will all take time but you’ll get there. Remember, feelings are temporary. Things always tend to come out on the flip side.
Emotional abuse is never easy to recover from but you have the incredible power to do so. You get to decide your worth, not anyone else.
Therapist and author Shannon L Alder says this really well,
“The only person that deserves a special place in your life is someone that never made you feel like you were an option in theirs.”
Read Next: Grooming & Abuse: 6 Dangerous Signs to Be Aware of
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I this message and it helps me alot
I recovered
hi. i have a younger sibling who, has always been, emotionally abusive towards me. she's also stolen from my inheritance and now she will not speak to me and told me to never go to her house again. because she said i need to change my will and not leave my other sibling and her children anything. gee i do not understand, how can she think, she rules me. i say she is mad and madder. she is all social and her so called friends all abuse her and she still stays connected to them. continuing to give of her time and money. truly what she is flaunting is my money, that she stole from my inheritance. the truth is i think, i should have listened and done what my Solicitor told me what to do. she is not the king in my will anyway, and my Father told me, once, when you are gone, if you go before them both? you will not need anything in heaven. let them both rot on the earth, like they are doing.