The Top 7 Regrets People Have After a Breakup

Relationship breakups can create a rollercoaster ride of emotions, for sure, especially the time after a breakup. 

One day you can be extremely sad and the next you can feel relatively happy and hopeful for your new path in life. One day you will be drowning your sorrows in two bowls of ice cream and the next you’ll be out bowling with your friends, excited about life and your potential. 

Breakups are just - difficult.

The longer the relationship, the harder it can be to deal with everything that comes along after it's over. And really letting go once the final breakup decision has been made can bring about a lot of anxiety.

You’re likely going to contend with feelings you wish would never surface and try to answer some pretty tough questions.

• Have you ever gone through a breakup and then found yourself facing all sorts of regrets? 
• Are you thinking about breaking up with your partner and wonder what you’ll be facing in the aftermath when it comes to feelings, fears, etc.? 

Regret is a pretty common feeling after a breakup, and that’s completely understandable.

7 Common Regrets People Have After Going Through a Breakup:

“I regret not being the kind of partner I could have been.” 

This is a very common regret for both partners. Breakups can cause feelings of failure and frustration and oftentimes those feelings cause regret. 

You'll think “I could have done this better. I should have done this and that… I got so wrapped up in my own little world. They were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I messed it up!” 

It’s normal to have these feelings, because the truth is that each partner may have indeed been able to be better.

However, don’t be so hard on yourself. No one is perfect and relationships are opportunities for growth. Plus, there's always room for improvement. All you can do now is resolve to do better the next time around.

“I regret giving them so much of my life/money/time.” 

Relationships are investments - and sometimes you'll have regrets if you've invested a lot in gifts, time, money, etc. 

Feelings of anger or bitterness may come up when you think of how much you could have saved instead of spoiling your partner rotten. Although this may be noteworthy, to withhold things in a relationship for fear of a breakup won’t do anyone any good either. Give to give, not to get.

“I shouldn’t have been so needy/egotistical/nagging/lackadaisical, etc.” 

Partners may regret their past behaviors. 

If you:

• Were overly needy and clingy, you’re kicking yourself for not being able to stand more secure in the relationship
• Spent more time working on your hobbies than with your partner, you’re kicking yourself for not prioritizing them over your interest
• Had the tendency to yell at your partner when they didn’t do what you thought they should, you’re disappointed you let your emotions get the best of you

Regretting past behaviors is very common.

“I regret taking my partner to all of the places that I love to go.” 

If you frequented clubs, vacation spots, or restaurants that you love, now you have to worry about whether you partner will be there when you go. 

It will be painful for either of you to see the other with a date or even with friends. If you're worried about this, you could always have a conversation with your ex and ask them what the chances of them showing up at certain locations are, then decide if you will continue to frequent those places or not.

“I regret passing up on some incredible offers while in the relationship.”

Chances are during the relationship someone approached you wondering if you were single or simply wanted to date you.

You politely declined because you were tied up in a relationship. Now that you're single, you might regret passing up such opportunities. You may think that the opportunity has passed and the person has most likely found another companion by now.

“I regret telling them so much about myself and my dreams, for being so vulnerable.” 

It’s common to become vulnerable and open in a relationship, and after a breakup to feel regret about sharing so many intimate things with your partner.

Now they know your deepest secrets, fears, and so on and you feel a bit embarrassed or afraid that they'll tell other people. You feel like you’ve shared from your very core and the fragile contents of your being are just out there for anyone to know.

Being vulnerable in a relationship is common and most of the time your secrets are safe with the other person.

“I regret falling so madly in love.” 

If you really let yourself fall madly in love with your partner, you might regret doing so because it hurts so much to completely cut ties. 

You long for things to be alright once again and you secretly hope that someday you could maybe work things out (and you might because many others have). You regret giving your whole self to them because now you feel like a massive black hole resides at the center of your being and you feel so alone and empty. 

Do You Have Any of These Common Regrets?

These seven regrets that people feel after a breakup are fairly common and quite normal. 

Sometimes regrets can cause partners to want to try to work things out, which is possible when both partners are willing to do the work required to grow their relationship. 

Ex’s get back together all the time, so it is possible when two hearts are willing to resolve and work through issues. If there is still love in both hearts for each other, getting back together and flourishing is possible.

If this sounds like you, give individual and/or couples counseling a try to see if it can help you resolve issues. Relationships take work and there’s opportunities for many lessons for both partners, but it takes a willingness to be open and explore.

Updated from Sep 24, 2022