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You, like me, may have quickly assumed “trauma bonding” meant two people connecting over a shared emotional or traumatic experience.
But here’s the truth: Trauma bonding actually refers to an attachment developed in an abusive relationship. In other words, the victim becomes attached to the person causing harm to them, whether that be emotional or physical harm.
As we all know, leaving a relationship is never easy. Yet, recognizing the signs of a trauma bond can help you navigate through an unhealthy bond and muster up the courage to leave. So, let’s take a closer look at what trauma bonding is and how you can spot it.
Trauma bonding is triggered by a cycle of:
During the positive reinforcement stage of the cycle, one might find themselves showered with love, affection, or even gifts. This is primarily where the bond develops, where one may believe that their abuser can be kind or is that person despite ongoing abuse.
Examples of trauma bonding further include between friends, colleagues, boyfriend and girlfriend, kidnapper and the hostage, a child and their caregiver, and even a leader and a cult.
Related Article: 8 Warning Signs of Emotional Abuse: What You Need to Look for
Typically, trauma bonding follows seven stages. However, it may look slightly different in different situations. Generally, though, the stages are as follows.
Related Article: Grooming & Abuse: 6 Dangerous Signs to Be Aware of
So, how do you know if it’s happening to you? Three major signs include:
On top of this, you might notice…
It can be a confusing ordeal being stuck in the trauma bonding cycle. On the one hand, you know it’s wrong. But on the other, it feels impossible to leave.
If you’re still unsure if you’re experiencing this, ask yourself the following questions.
If you answer “yes” to many of the above questions, you may be stuck in a trauma-bonding style relationship. And no, it doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship to be trauma bonding; this can also occur between friends, family members, colleagues, and more.
If you feel your self-worth declining in any relationship or situation, this is a huge sign that something isn’t right.
In the right setting and surrounded by the right people, your self-esteem should be maintained or improved. If you think all of the above sounds like sometimes you’re experiencing, it’s important to talk to a professional to uncover how to navigate your specific situation.
Read Next: 5 Thoughtful Shadow Work Journal Prompts to Heal Your Wounded Inner Child
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