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Most times we’re okay, or generally comfortable, but sometimes we’re not.
Sometimes it feels like life threw a brick at you and it landed between your eyes. Other times it is subtler – like having a “D” whilst the person next to you had an “A”, or going to a parking lot only to discover that the only space left was between a Mercedes and a Porsche, while you own a barely functional pickup truck.
But it could get worse.
Often, when we turn to someone to tell them how we feel, or don't present a mask of happiness, we get hammered with comments like “stay positive,” and other affirmations and slights which goes a long way toward making our feelings invalidated.
Have you found yourself in a situation where it feels like people are rubbing it on your face that they're better than you?
Or the people around you are insinuating that feeling terrible (or sad) about your situation is wrong – implying something is, maybe, wrong with you?
As frustrating as that can be, it can still be relatively bearable. When it gets unbearable is when that brick hits you.
For instance, when you:
Those moments when you just feel awful already, and someone is brushing you off like you should get over it.
I mean those moments when someone says:
As though feeling bad when things like these happen was wrong. As though feeling bad was wrong.
Well, I’m here to tell you that those people are wrong.
There is something known as “toxic positivity”. And it happens when someone assumes that you should only have a positive mindset despite the situation – emotional pain, and difficulty – that you’re in.
Toxic positivity is when:
Crying after a breakup is normal – even if you “normally don’t cry”.
Feeling sad after you lost someone is normal – even if you “normally don’t feel sad.
And feeling like a loser when you lost all your money to a high-risk investment is normal – even if you “normally” don’t feel like a loser.
So also, is anxiety, fear, panic, and all other negative emotions…
The problem with asking someone who is feeling bad to stop feeling bad is that it makes them feel worse. Instead of just grieving, they begin to feel shame, guilt, and embarrassment on top of it – it’s like adding gasoline to flame.
Sometimes you would suffer bad feelings, but you don’t have to run away from them – you don’t have to suppress them. In fact, the best way to deal with your emotions – both positive and negative – is to feel them.
But that is it. After that, you move on. After that, it is gone. The lesson has been learned and the courage to move on acquired.
The best way through moments of feeling “bad” is feeling those feelings, and then moving on.
Suppressing our emotions is bad for our mental health on so many levels because:
So, yes, when you get hit by that brick or find yourself in a dark place when your emotions are tearing you apart from the inside out, know that expressing your emotions are not signs of weakness – they are normal and healthy.
Almost everyone, at some point in life, loses someone they love, gets dumped, faces rejection, fails, deals with feelings of depression, or feels insecure about something. This is the harsh reality of life.
The experience may have been bad, but expressing the normal emotions is not – it is rather good.
And since feeling bad sometimes isn’t bad, you shouldn’t be afraid, or ashamed to experience them. You should face them because the sooner you go through them, the sooner you get back to being you – the happier, “normal” version of you.
So, yes, it is okay not to be okay sometimes.
Editor's note: This article was originally published Jun 5, 2021 and has been updated to improve reader experience.
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The only way out is through. You have to fell those bad feelings so that you can start living well again. Just like the article says, if you don’t feel those bad feelings, they will get buried and eventually come out in worse form. I know this from experience, so cry your tears if you have to.
Good advice Kris, thank you 🙂
Everything spoken here I have experienced I tell people all the time it's ok to not be ok I will cry and then look in the mirror and encourage myself. So cry cry cry
10000% Barbara - great advice!! Keeping things in generally makes us feel worse, especially over time. Let it out!! 🙂